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Tark Malookmen

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 10.17.08 under Uncategorized

Terry sent me an email about a couple of his friends. I thought I would share it.

Tark Malookmen:

Nothing like a man with some hairy arms and a good sense of humor. Got
those patches of fur right up and down the outside of the arm around
the bicep, and he tells a good joke, now and again. He once called an
ambulance for his wife and reported that she had lost her looks, he
had a knack for the ugly ones. good old Tart Mulookmen, the hairy arm
jokester.

Sham Weatherstone:

Sham Weatherstone, reads the bible to his grand kids and makes honey
in the back yard for his disabled pet rat. A simple man, he dont get
his kicks of regular guy stuff. Won an award at the Milwaukee county
fair for wearing a beard of bees, yep…a god damm bee beard. Youd
think his wife would of been mad, but he aint got no wife, hes gay.
The funny thing is, his significant other hates bees but loves honey.
How about that kanoodling bee bearded bible buddy butt pumpin Sham
Weatherstone.

GaryGrandiossa:

Cleaning pools and playing magic while fisting quarters into time
crisis II was about all he could take before he took the northbound
train back to the end of the line. That fist fucking, shit shoveling,
role playing guru Gary Grandiossa. Only guy in town who can juggle
flame torches while reciting the points of vulnerability of all the
original gathering members in pig latin while driving his testerosa
with his feat. Gary Grandiossa got his testerosa while flame juggling
torches fell on his crotch but werent supposed’ta.

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Botched Botany: Local Man with No Culinary or Horticulture Experience Fails to Grow Unique Plant

[ 3 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 06.23.08 under Culinary Horticulture, Terry's Posts, Uncategorized

Many American families have turned to hybrid automobiles to cut down on surging gas costs. Others have had to relocate or postpone summer vacations, look for employment closer to home or rely on carpooling or public transportation. In some way or another, a great majority of Americans have had to make adjustments to how they go about their lives as the rising price of fuel continues to offer no mercy. For Leroy D’Jackson it meant making a full blown attempt at growing what he could no longer afford to drive to get…chicken wings.

A native resident of the small hard-working industrial community of Sherschlacker, Indiana, Leroy D’Jackson is a man with a big appetite for chicken wings but also an unfortunate victim, like so many others, of exponentially rising gas prices.

“ I’d be driving some 20 long miles each way to get me some wings, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I eat a lot of chicken wings, but I cant afford no gas to get me my wings. If it aint barbeque then its got to be buffalo sauce and if it aint buffalo sauce then its got to be barbeque sauce.”

A palate only tolerant of barbeque or buffalo styled wings from a select number of area restaurants presented Mr D’Jackson with a rather confined set of growing criterion to which he claims was a great advantage in the early stages of planning his chicken wing plant.

“Since I know what kind of wings I want my plant to grow, I send my brother Bodeen off to fetch me a few dozen wings of barbeque and buffalo sauce from Fat Chubby’s and I walked around over to Tru-Value and got me some plant seeds. Before I buried the wings I microwaved them to get them real hot and then put some plant seeds into the chicken wing. I buried them real good in my front yard.”

Mr D’Jackson patiently cared for his “seedlings” almost weekly, splitting time between his search for employment. Neighbors in the area added Leroy could often be seen out in the front yard spraying the ground with what appeared to be a homemade formula of barbeque and buffalo sauces from an old windex bottle.

After several weeks Mr D’Jackson still found himself reluctantly making the 20+ mile trek to one of his wing spots as results to his chicken wing plant project started hinting at signs of lackluster production. As a man with a solid grasp on ethics and differentiating business and personal expenses, Mr D’Jackson’s trips to “get me some more wings” steadily began to replace the drives to “get me some more wings for my chicken wing plant”. It seemed Leroy D’Jackson was prepared to say goodbye to his chicken wing plant ranch.