You’re Not My True Pumpkin

[ 1 Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 10.16.07 under Dicky's Posts, Fruit, Holidays

pumpkin

You turned on me pumpkin. It is not even Halloween yet and my heart feels like an inflated Target Logo.

target

When I saw you at Darcy’s Pumpkin and Fruit stand you were so pure and magical. You were perfectly rounded and not a dash of illegitimate handling tainted your orange plump body. I can’t even tell you what thoughts raced through my head when I saw your flawlessly arched stem. Darcy said you were the best of the batch and nothing from what I saw told me otherwise. I bought you for 3 dollars including the dollar tip I gave Darcy. I didn’t tip her because of her keen eye for perfect pumpkins but rather for her amazing bangs.

darcy

That is another story all together.

When I took you home I placed you on my windowsill next to my Kelly Clarkson photo collage. There you stood for 4 days gallantly gleaming your astute confidence. You looked like a medieval knight on a trusty steed ready to ride into the wind and rescue a chamber maid/serving wench named Matilda trapped in a castle tower. Never mind the moat, your steed would fly across it with vigor.

Towards the 5th day, your attitude started to change. I had just gotten back from Sam’s Club and purchased a variety of different pumpkin carving utensils. As I was unloading my new tools, I noticed your boastful aplomb was gone. No longer did you stand tall and proud. Your Queen Latifa Plumpness was now a Nicole Richie gaunt.

hollywood

Taken aback, I struck you down out of anger and fear. As your remains lay scattered across the ground bloodied and battered, I thought of what you were supposed to be. Darcy said pumpkins should last through Halloween. You lasted 5 days (I guess I had a small contribution to your early death). No longer will I set my hopes high in the pursuit for a perfect pumpkin. Oh deceiving pumpkin from Darcy’s Pumpkin and Fruit Stand, you’re not my true pumpkin.

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