Bigfoot Was Eaten by Genetically Modified Pigeons!!

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.21.08 under Pigeons

With the recent news that last weeks bigfoot claims turned out to be a hoax, it is easy for most people to accept.  After all, time after time bigfoot claims are debunked.  But there are many facts that the press wants to hide from you to keep the Bigfoot myth in tact.  Let me tell this straight, my friends (hahahahhaha, LOLZ!! I said “my friends” like McCain!!! hahahaha, ROTFL!!!), the Bigfoot body was not a rubber suit.  It was a true BIGFOOT, but THE CARCASS GOT EATEN BY GENETICALLY MODIFIED PIGEONS.  Do I need to repeat myself???? Ok, sure, I will.  It was a true BIGFOOT, but THE CARCASS GOT EATEN BY GENETICALLY MODIFIED PIGEONS.  This is why they had to tell everyone it was a hoax.  They had the body all set to show the world, but when the Pigeons ate the carcass, they had nothing to show the world.  Obviously no one would believe them if they said it was eaten, they would of been ridiculed ever more.  So they did what any moral Bigfoot hunter would do, they claimed hoax.

My dear friend Cal Greenly works at the Hickens Genetics Institute is upstate Georgia where top secret experiments were being performed on a select number of pigeons.

Cal Greenly

Cal Greenly of the Hickens Genetic Institute

Cal informed me that  he and some of his colleagues were experimenting with gene knockouts, in which a Pigeon is engineered to lack the activity of one or more genes. This allowed Cal and his colleagues to analyze the defects caused by this, and were hoping it would be useful in unearthing the function of the pigeon’s testosterone gene.  Some of Cal’s Colleagues warned him against doing this.  They saw it as intolerable meddling with biological states that have naturally evolved over long periods of time, while others were concerned about the limitations of modern science to fully comprehend all of the potential negative ramifications of genetic manipulation.

Under normal circumstances, this is quite the normal procedure.  But with the lack of prokaryotic cells Pigeons possess,  their testosterone levels sky rocketed!!  Before they knew it they had 20 jacked up Pigeons flying around their lab, each weighting around 30 pounds and posessing strange bat ears with pig noses!!!  Viles broke, chemicals spilled and the sole window in the lab was broke, freeing these Rambo Pigeons to the world.

Mutated Pigeon

Note the Bat ears and Pig Nose    

Directly after escaping the genetics lab, these Rabid Pigeons went on a feeding frenzy consuming Racoons, Squirrels, Coyote, Mountain Lions, Black Bears, Deer, Dogs, Cats, Mikes Hard Lemonade, Fritos, Doritos, Funyuns, Combos, Red Bull, Starbucks Mocca Lattes, Bud Light, Beef Jerky, Bubble Gum, Cheese Curds, French Fries, Sushi, Filet Mignon and of course Tacos.  This only fueled their cause in what turned out to be their ultimate goal.  FEASTING ON THE BEAST.  That is right, they found the undisclosed location Victims Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer were keeping their treasured Carcass.

bigfoot

The carcass, before it was consumed by genetically modified pigeons.

Victims

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, victims of the Pigeons

Once they found the Bigfoot, the Pigeons didn’t even require it to be thawed.  They consumed the giant beast raw in under 30 seconds RIGHT IN FRONT OF MATTHEW AND RICK’S EYES.

I hope I have been able to shed some light on this issue and hopefully someday the truth with be told.  It is a sad world when people like Matt and Rick have to publicly humiliated and called liars all because the truth is too hard to digest.  Now these poor gentlemen, or should I say these poor Martyrs, freedom fighters, heroes have to go into hiding.

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