The Dictar » 2007

The weird pizza in my oven

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 10.27.07 under Uncategorized

I know this guy. He likes weird Gifts from weird fuckers.

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69 Yer Mother

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 10.20.07 under Dicky's Posts, Music

I hesitate posting this out of principle with its filthy mantra, but its my friend’s band and I want to support him.

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You’re Not My True Pumpkin

[ 1 Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 10.16.07 under Dicky's Posts, Fruit, Holidays

You turned on me pumpkin. It is not even Halloween yet and my heart feels like an inflated Target Logo.

When I saw you at Darcy’s Pumpkin and Fruit stand you were so pure and magical. You were perfectly rounded and not a dash of illegitimate handling tainted your orange plump body. I can’t even tell you what thoughts raced through my head when I saw your flawlessly arched stem. Darcy said you were the best of the batch and nothing from what I saw told me otherwise. I bought you for 3 dollars including the dollar tip I gave Darcy. I didn’t tip her because of her keen eye for perfect pumpkins but rather for her amazing bangs.

That is another story all together.

When I took you home I placed you on my windowsill next to my Kelly Clarkson photo collage. There you stood for 4 days gallantly gleaming your astute confidence. You looked like a medieval knight on a trusty steed ready to ride into the wind and rescue a chamber maid/serving wench named Matilda trapped in a castle tower. Never mind the moat, your steed would fly across it with vigor.

Towards the 5th day, your attitude started to change. I had just gotten back from Sam’s Club and purchased a variety of different pumpkin carving utensils. As I was unloading my new tools, I noticed your boastful aplomb was gone. No longer did you stand tall and proud. Your Queen Latifa Plumpness was now a Nicole Richie gaunt.

Taken aback, I struck you down out of anger and fear. As your remains lay scattered across the ground bloodied and battered, I thought of what you were supposed to be. Darcy said pumpkins should last through Halloween. You lasted 5 days (I guess I had a small contribution to your early death). No longer will I set my hopes high in the pursuit for a perfect pumpkin. Oh deceiving pumpkin from Darcy’s Pumpkin and Fruit Stand, you’re not my true pumpkin.

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Jean Claude Van Damme is a Dancing Machine

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 10.14.07 under Celebrities, Dicky's Posts

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Mrs Butterworth, Betty Crocker and the Raisin godess

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 10.10.07 under Terry's Posts

How could i get Betty Crocker to remember me before shes dead? In her will; by gifting me the most lavish prize crocker points could ever get anyone? Or is letting me spend 1 night in the fantasy land of B crockers snatch ahhh hmm

How do I remind Mrs Butterworth what a sticky situation she puts me in all the time? Every time i pump her on my waffles or cinnamon toast sticks…Do i just increase my pancake intake and forget about the rest or do i call up the questionable milado for a late night snack of whatever falls below her nutritional value and calories per serving?

And As the Sun Maid Mrs Raisin just as di-vine as she is, I go for her box; we can rendezvous and speak anatomy; But it all stems from me knowing she is un-grapeful as mine is a raisin.