The Dictar » 2007

The Golden Stache - Guess Who?

[ 9 Comments ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.28.07 under Dicky's Posts, Mustaches, Wealth

The golden boy of stache’s, he bailed out Citigroup in the 90’s and as been known to ride with Chevron. Using only the juices from natural fruits and berries to fine tune his creation, “Golden Stache” has created the 21 century’s first Billion Dollar Stache. Can you tell me the name of this sweet prince? Free passes to the Coney Island Pigeon World Fair for the first correct response.

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Craigs List Hooked ‘er

[ 5 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 08.23.07 under Terry's Posts, craigs list, services

The pride of Wautoma is both a Supper Club called Silvercryst and their unspoken abundance of Craigs List Hookers . Also shown is the classic escort rendezvous point in wamsutter while the nickname for Craigs List Hookers in Council Bluffs happens to be a “Council Bluff”

You can go to any major cities craigs list hub, such as Wamsutter, Wyoming, Council Bluffs, Iowa or Wautoma, Wisconsin and one type of posting will be as consistently abundant in every town about as much as the number of hotties you could target and nail at any truck stop arcade or the number of 30 year old pc gamer journalist virgins in downtown San Fran… what im saying is youll find ALOT. I will get to the posts im referring to but I would first like to clear up something about Dicky’s last post about putting down the weed- First off, coming from a guy who probably thinks my bong is a sex toy and that rubbers are just funny tasting baloons, its hard to take anything serious from a guy who knows as much about the real stuff in life as a captive new born hienna with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I will get to the point and make it simple- Smoke em if you got em. Now let me smoke this J before I move a head…

Okay, Craigs List Hookers are on the prowl and are beautiful. They are full of life and carry an unrivaled level of self confidence and positive energy in themselves that transfers to anything that penetrates one. Aside from their sheer abundance in every significant city, my sexual organ has about as many fresh opportunities on any one craigs list hooker as my car has working windows (3, as of the March ‘05 incident I will refer to as “the rock and a piece of shit scratch off loto vendor in downtown Little Rock” ). If your lucky, as my broken window gets fixed and presents another opportunity to roll it down on a fast stretch of highway and breath a little, you may come across a CLH (craigs list hooker) with more than “3 working windows.” So, that brings up a double positive. We not only have a variety of places to find CLHs but we have a variety of places to put it in any one of them. So Have A PARTY- Invite your friends over and split the bill. Another benefit if you find the girl with the right benefits package that allows for a co-dependent

GO On A VACATION- Ever been to the top of the Eiffel tower with your good friend and given him a good high five? CLH. Ever been to Asia and fortified yourself between the depths of the Great Walls of China ?(Beverly Kim in Sarasota, look her up and tell her The Klyt sent you)

Animal Magnetism at Play

Ill give you a true story…So im all the over the place up in Bismarck, ND

http://www.bismarck.org/

and cant control my natural and exhilarating urges to want to inject myself right into the culture of the great Northern Plains. I pull into a La Quinta (and later pull out of a Ms Quinta) and use their free lobby wi fi and locate the nearest bank of CLHs. (Happens to be a hefty selection right here in Bismark). I call one up that i do a little read up on and she is over to La Quinta sharing some vanilla diet coke and ronrico rum and before we know it weve invented 13 new positions just a notch over the 3 hour mark and then suddenly find ourselves taking notes on the home shopping network for a nifty collection of anti streaking glass solvents we both happen to be oddly and simialry in love with. Your wondering now, did i buy the solvents- I sure did, one case for me and one for my beautiful mistress of the cool midnight air of southern downtown bismarck north dakota on that harmonious November 29th evening.

my memory allowed me to draw what i could remember “Ms Bismarck” on some La Quinta note paper shortly after intercourse while i was taking a crap in the hotel lobby.

There is no climactic ending here, because you only design your own ending when you want it to be right there in sight, and Terry Klytar has a few more cities hes never been to and a couple more CLHs he needs to check in with.

whats that you say? I can find HER on Craigs List?!
So before you excuse yourself to go on your own trip to Pump Town and Depth Row, take a look at some of the current postings from ladies(for the most part) from around our great nation that are waiting for your sleuthing. For Clarification, I have referred to a common group of people that include individuals and social themes such as escorts, call girls, sex dates, pussy eating sessionsers, drink and fucks, movie and analers, bi-curiousosas, bust-downs, shallow suckers, casual encounters w/ sex, fuck me nows, not for romance-just for fuckings, horny hotties, sluts for sale, girl looking for punishers etc as hookers in this post. As long as sex is included and youll be sticking it in a women, regardless of what or who else is in the room, with or without a price tag- than we shall leave things simple and all agree to understand that hooker is a tag for it all. But please dont confuse a craigs list hooker with just a plain date or missed connection or long-term relationship or just for drinks, dinner and a movie, friendship or anyone “seeking” anything beyond sinking the sub. This is short term investing, were not in ‘er for the long haul.

Fuck and Truck

-Female trucker looking for Male with CDL, Class A “air brakes” and Hazmat cert to take over the wheel and let me get on your handle with some interstate oral on lengthy spud route from Idaho to Wisco. Will go 50/50 on all interstate tolls.

Arcade Operator looking for “Space Invader”

Pump some credit into my machines, $20 gets you 4 plays, $100 gets you access to the whole arcade.

2-4 players welcome

Titties in your faces!!! FMF

looking for the M to our FMF threesome. 2 sets of big ass titties and a trampoline await. $500 for the night, sorry no sleep overs. Email Char and Coco Butter.

Gentle Sexer not for this Met-rx Flexer

Professional female body builder with great tan looking to build on nothing more than 3 minutes of me pounding you until your dick falls off.

Tea Bagger looking for some celestial seasoning

We will consume an assortment of entirely organic fruits, nuts and vegetables to ensure that any bodily fluids that exit the body during intercourse, fellatio and cunnilingus will taste of purely natural and non-chemical/artificial based substances. Payment and drop off for my services can be made in front of Whole Foods

Lonely Off-shore Oil Refiner looking for a skilled male 69′er.

Cum with helicopter, leave with a slick dick. No need to grease these oil workers palms, will work down the shaft for good company and a few hours off the rig.

Ugly Balding Fat Chick with terminal illness needs a gun that shoots blanks

Locked and Loaded not for me, but if you have no self esteem, are blind or find yourself in Study Butte, Texas and wondered what screwing 50 pound flaps and folds feels like in 110 degree heat and 95% humidity, look up blimp rentals in the yellow pages and ask for Dawn.

your canvas awaits you at http://chicago.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/personals.cgi?category=ers

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CLICK CLACK!

[ 1 Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.21.07 under Dicky's Posts, Spud

Whoaaaaaa. Maybe disregard my last two posts. Goat gave me these weird pebble things. I ate them and then ended up in a south loop editing room creating Click Clack!!!

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McGruff The Crime Dawg

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.21.07 under Anti-Drugs, Competition, Dicky's Posts

Armed with a passion to fight drugs, McGruff the Crime Dawg also does what it takes to win in any competition.

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Everybody Must Not Get STONED

[ 2 Comments ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.16.07 under Anti-Drugs, Dicky's Posts, Worthy Causes

That’s what it should of said in Rainy Day Woman #4859. For the most part everyone knows I have been an anti-marijuana crusader for the past 10 years. I serve on several non-profit boards dedicated to this cause including the Anti-Marijuana Coalition, REDAWPRO(Retired DEA Officers Still For Marijuana Prohibition), Parents For Control and many more. I also am one of the only male members of MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving). It doesn’t have to do with Marijuana, but you get my passion. I want to take the time to evaluate several case studies that show the negative effects of Marijuana and what it can do to many fine individuals. We just can’t let everybody run around STONED.

Case Study # 1: Tad

Tad was on the road with Panic for too many years. He traveled to Spokane, Washington to live with his friend “Goat”. He plays bongos. He is STONED.

Case study #2: Gunner

That is Gunner on the right. He was a regular guy who played World of Warcraft and ate Doritos. He then started smoking Marijuana and playing World of Warcraft at the same time. He grew out dreadlocks and and started to eat more
Doritos (Nacho Cheesier, Duh) while he played World of Warcraft and smoked Marijuana. He is now in jail. He was STONED.

Case Study #3: Shadow

Shadow once lived in a Redwood tree for 2 years to protest loggers. She dated a guy named Whisper who taught her about Mother Earth. She is STONED.

Case Study # 4: Clayton

Clayton went to University of Arizona for a year before dropping out. He entered the Rave Culture, was a juggler at a circus and attempted to bomb a Frito-Lay Factory for not putting enough “Chili Cheese Freeze” as he called it into a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos he bought one night after being STONED.

Case Study #5: Cookie Jar Billy

Cookie Jar Billy parents don’t know how. But he breaks in the cookie jar. In the above picture it was pasta. It’s the result of him being STONED.

Case Study #6: Bundy

Ironically enough, the above picture was not taken in 76′. Bundy likes to smoke marijuana with his wife Denise, dress up retro, take a picture with a Polaroid and Photoshop it(while still stoned) to make it look old. This is all a result of him being STONED.

Case Study#7: Blair

Ahhh, Blair. Blair pretends he is a college Philosophy Professor and seduces woman. He does this while he is STONED.

Case study #8: Greg

Poor Greg. He is a Deadhead. He knows all the tunes. He went to a carnival wearing his Grateful Dead shirt. An older boy came up to him and asked what album “Ship of Fools” was on. Greg nervously responded “Terrapin Station.” “Wrong” said the other boy. “Its on Mars Hotel you poser.” Greg knew the the answer. He just couldn’t think of it because he was too STONED.

I hope I create a compelling case for ongoing prohibition of Marijuana. We really need to keep individuals like the person in the following video in check.

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Malibu’s Most Wanted

[ 2 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 08.16.07 under Drinking, Terry's Posts, sports

Long time friend of mine Malibu recently had a little run in with a pair of size 11 and 1/2’s straight to the stomach. He failed to mention that those drinks he was putting down during his recovery process were High Life Lites, Malibu was always a HLL guy. In case any of you were trying to get a hold of me last night on my pager, i was over in Gary eating a steak at the river boat and playing some video keno.

My friend was drinking some Mai Tais down at Universal Studios Hollywood and sent me back a copy of Malibus incident.

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Newport Pleasure

[ 3 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 08.15.07 under Newports, Terry's Posts

Getting drunk on high life and smoking Newports and going off into the woods for some recreational archery target practice with your fellow Newport smoking “companion.”

Get your hand off my girls tit Dale!

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Troy, the Last Frontier

[ 2 Comments ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.10.07 under Dicky's Posts, History

Troy. It is a place that men and women have fantasized about for thousands of years. Does it exist? This isn’t about some city buried underground or a lost island that got soaked under the sea. This is no Atlantis. This is about a town that got invaded. A princess stolen. A warrior’s ankle pierced. Do you side with the Greeks or the Trojans?

I mean, this place had real weapons. They fought with pride. It is no wonder modern day Troy is now in Turkey. But is it? The above map indicates it could be somewhere in Maine. If true, this would throw off thousands of years of debate and ruin the premise of the motion picture blockbuster “Troy” featuring Brad Pitt and of course that hunk, Orlando Bloom :). If Troy was indeed located in Maine, the Greeks would of had a journey thousands of miles longer than the journey inaccurately written in the books. If so, I can’t imagine the types of scurry, fatigue, low morale that occured on the boat rides over here. It is amazing that after 3 days of battle they had the brain power to think of the horse. The more striking realization about this discovery is the fact that Orlando Bloom should of been played by Russell Means, the great AIM leader. If our history leaders had any idea the Trojans were indeed Native American, we could all count on a great Discovery Channel Episode.

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Portillicous

[ 3 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 08.08.07 under Physical Fitness, Terry's Posts

FYI Whit, in response to your portillos addiction, yeah i said addiction… When i did some research after my 12 straight days at portillos a few years back, i emailed a portillos exec requesting some general health stats on their beef and cheddar croissant and she replied back hastily explaining that Portillos chooses not to disclose any nutritional information regarding their menu items. I found out later there was a reason for this non-disclosure. I came across some info regarding a massively produced underground chemical, referred to as Portillicous, that all edible items on the portillos menu are soaked in for periods of no less than 12 days. Portillicous is also sprayed on, infused, injected, brushed and transfused- depending on the nature of the food being treated. There is another drug called Arbymosotosis, commonly used to combat addiction to the chemical Portillicous found in certain beef and cheddar products at a well known fast food chain. Even so, Arbymosotosis is said to cause extreme depression and anxiety as a symptom of withdrawal. But even more current evidence has proven that the combination of Arbymosotosis in high doses with Portillicous at high doses produces a “balancing effect,” thus offsetting any adverse effects from either of the drugs. With the 5 beef and Cheddars for $5.95 on the horizon at Arby’s and the summer heat calling all cars to the rapid turnover of the Portillos drive-thru, you should have no problem getting your fix of beef and cheddar all for the better.

Beef and Cheddar Beef Beef and Cheddar

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I Guess it is Bikini Day on The Dictar

[ 1 Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 08.07.07 under Dicky's Posts, Summer

I couldn’t help trying to one up Terry’s provocative Car Wash Bikini post earlier today. I would like to take the focus off Girls at Bikini Car washes and put the focus on Girls in Bikini’s with Power Tools. There is nothing like Hammer Action Control and Adjustable Depth-Stop. There is nothing like a 240 volt Belt Sander with an Efficient 150mm Drum. Something like this is perfect for domestic or professional joinery. How about a sliding trigger operation? Those Heavy Duty Breakers are ideal for ballast packing!