The Dictar » 2007

Red Dog aint doggin it

[ Post Comment ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 07.31.07 under Drinking, Terry's Posts

shit, if Red Dog could pull through here….

When i hit up The Fire Side Inn up in Poysippi this past weekend for some Kreekside Karaoke I came across a giant inflatable Red Dog can sittin pretty on the roof. Turns out, the can was from polka ladies night back in ‘93, and its been up there ever since the bars owner got his leg amputated after a lawnmower race accident down at Wautomas county fair of the same year. but it got me thinkin. I dont think any amputation goes without cause, and maybe Plank Road wanted that can to stand tall for 15 years to let us all know they havent forgot about americas favorite brew DOG. Next time you go out drinking this morning, ask the bartender for a Red Dog and lets get our honeymoon back on track.

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Cruel Treatment

[ 1 Comment ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 07.30.07 under Dicky's Posts, Pigeons

So I came across some very disturbing news today. It seems the Hollywood elite feel they have the right to to tell Pigeons they can’t have babies.

Link: Hollywood Pigeons to be Put on the Pill

They have developed a birth control pill designed for Pigeons and are going to put it in bird food in new rooftop feeders. They say they can’t handle all the pigeon poop. Well then ya know what? Do what I did and take a bath in pigeon shit. That way, whenever you get shat on, you will feel you are being cleansed. Thanks to Spud for the news tip.

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The Left Lane

[ 2 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 07.30.07 under Nascar, Terry's Posts, Women Drivers

Fact1: women are bad drivers

Fact2: women on cell phones while driving are terrible drivers

Fact3: Road rage frequently is caused because some women decided to get in her car and take it somewhere, and while on the highway she decided to get all the way over into the left lane, dial one of her friends, slow down to 5 mph under the speed limit and get more involved in the uselessness of her life over the phone than to what is happening right in front of her.Meanwhile, behind her, several important male drivers, all with far more significant destinations, are forced to have to drive within close proximity to one another at slow speeds while being held hostage to the left lane floozy. In the event that a male driver is not presented with an escape passage, that being the left lane, we are forced to present ourselves to other male drivers within the same predicament that in a way causes many of us to have to pull over and confront one another and typically beat the shit out of eachother.

Therefore1, it is in the best interest of people that matter to reserve the left lane for males only. On any stretch of road that provides more than one lane in the same heading, the left lane shall be reserved for males

To continue

Fact4: Drinking beer or other alcoholic beverages eliminates nervousness and instability and increases confidence, and reality of life.

Fact5: A good driver needs to be calm and stable, needs to be confident and be aware of what is real in life.

Therefore2, it is in the best interest of people that matter to reserve the left lane for males only who have consumed no less than 6- 12oz. beers* over the last 2 hours. On any stretch of road that provides more than one lane in the same heading, the left lane shall be reserved for males who have recently consumed a minimum of 72 oz. of beer* over the last 60 minutes.

*- or alcoholic drinks of equal or greater value

more so..

Fact 6: Nascar is the best demonstration and continuous example of how someone should drive.

Fact 7: Males who have not attended at least 2 nascar events and watched at least 300 hours of live nascar on tv are considered to have the equivalent capability to drive as any women… in most cases a women operating a cell phone and car at the same time.

Fact 8: Men are not allowed to display any support for Nascar or America for that matter, such as Nascar bumber stickers, antenna ornaments, Driver flags/banners, spare tire jackets or anything displaying our stars and stripes, both of present and historic circumstances, if they have never attended at least 2 nascar events and watched at least 300 hours of live nascar racing on tv.

Therefore3, it is in the best interest of people that matter to reserve the left lane for males only who have consumed no less than 6- 12oz. beers* over the last 2 hours who meet the minimum instruction of proper driving techniques as stated above by displaying at least 4 items of Nascar paraphernalia on the external surface of the vehicle as an indication that such individual has met this minimum requirement of exposure to safe and proper driving techniques, hereto referred as “safe driver references”

For the convenience of future discussions we shall establish in more simpler dialogue that on any stretch of road that provides more than one lane in the same heading, the left lane shall be reserved for “intoxicated male nascar fans.”

In this picture, a women somehow got her car onto the track and then pulled into the left lane and got on her cell phone, causing this accident with Dale J. She then disappeared from the scene which is typically the case.

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Circuit Training

[ 3 Comments ] Posted by Dicky Relifonic on 07.28.07 under Dicky's Posts, Physical Fitness

When you are have been in the field for a while your mind starts to run. For me, the field it is a time to reflect. Even though the sole purpose of field research is to bring back data and present it to the public, I have selfish motives involved as well. Just because I am dedicating 3 months in the field to the study of a fantastic beast doesn’t mean this time doesn’t involve self-reflection. Lets just lay it out there, one of my hobbies is Circuit Training. I love being able to combine strength workouts with endurance exercises. It gets lonely out in the field and not having a new station to rotate to after 45 seconds can be a downer. I end up doing squat thrusts using a tree trunk as my base and when it is time for me to move to my next station I notice the closest thing that resembles exercise equipment is light brush that could potentially be used to pump out some sit-ups. What I am trying to get at is that I also use field research to reflect on the things I truly miss. Its not all about the pigeons. When I am out there, I realize I NEED circuit training. I took this picture of Barabra, Deb and Brian about 2 months ago and I always bring it with me in the field.

It is probably a bad idea to bring it since I start to miss my gym more, but these guys push things to the complete limit. I know Deb got her start with Circuit Training at Curves for women. Curves has a great Circuit Training program but people who come out of there think they live on a higher plane. Not sure why. Their Circuit Training Programs are the standard 30 seconds per station and are designed to firm, tone and help lose weight just like all other programs. I know Ballys has some great programs across the country but most of their equipment is generic. The thing I like about circuit training is that it is structured to provide a full body workout. I can tone my glutes, buttocks and strive for some rock hard abs. Don’t get any ideas!

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The Pit Boss that deserves to live in Gary

[ 1 Comment ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 07.27.07 under Gary River Boats, Terry's Posts

I was at the Resorts Casino the other weekend and the pit boss cut me off for what i think was an intimidating look from me in his direction after i had spent the day visiting my favorite bars and pubs in downtown Calumet City. Once your cut off in a river boat casino (and im strictly talking Northwest Indiana River boats here) you have about a .01% chance of being reinstated in the next 12 hours and at the same time, the friendly Indiana cocktail waitresses turn on you. “Hey I just want a water, ” I yell to Deb as i try to grab her ass and fall halfway off my stool at the same time, not because i cant handle my booze but everything seems to pull away from you when you are cut off on a riverboat in Gary. She cocks her head halfway back around as she shakes her flabby ass down the corridor of tables, gives me the glazed stare…but she did come back with my water about 4 days later. I exchange words with this pit boss Dave for the next 3 hours off and on and now security is trying to accuse me of things i have clearly not done. I manage to sweet talk my way out of these skirmishes every hour or so, but Dave keeps sending back in more troops and trying to get me out of there for all its worth.This pit boss has a jealousy factor on me and in turn has it in for me. He clearly belongs to be pitting a boat in close proximity to Gary. I take a few hundred from a low limit black jack table and move to another low limit black jack table so i can position myself right in front of the computer Dave is entering frequent flier miles into. When you start to get tired because your booze feed has been taken away but you cant quite fight off the itch to gamble, the composure that holds back the hostility for the assbaged pit boss diminishes and its time to heckle. “Dave, you get that tie in Gary’s giftshop at the end of one of those trolly tours?” Daves from Gary I have a feeling at this point, if not for it being printed right below his name on his tag connected to his $75 suit. But its not the booze speaking, because everyone else in the room is having a love affair with my me, but i cant seem to come around on Dave. Its a classic match of “he started it”, and im up against Dave and his useless arsenal of security call-ins, booze cut-offs and comedic threats. I have the upper hand in the fight to stay because the casino has the ultimate say and they want my money- but when it comes down to being undeservedly cut-off in a gary river boat casino because a singular pit boss has some reservations about you for undisclosed reasons, it may not be objective and fair to you, but sometimes its best to just brush it off and acknowledge to yourself…this man will drive his corsica home tonight somewhere in the suburbs of Gary. ~ Terry

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Terry Klytar

[ 2 Comments ] Posted by Terry Klytar on 07.27.07 under Newports, Terry's Posts

I smoke mostly Newports, but also Kools, Gencos, Pall Malls, Broncos, Pinsons, Pilots, Silver Eagles, Smokin’ Joes Premiums, Tourney Slims, Wintergolds, 305’s, Blackjacks, Brentwoods, Camel Wides, Competidoras, Value-prides and ultra-buys from time to time.

Heres my portrait Tawny did of me up in Tuscon. Tawny cant draw worth shit.